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Happy first of September! I am always in awe of how fast the year flies by, that we are quite past the half year mark. August was a season of change -- both literally with the days starting to get darker a bit earlier, the fleeting summer, and the many changes in both my professional and personal life — Stephanie.
Lifestyle, Lows, Lessons
So much continues to happen in life, the old me would have loved to process every single thing – but my motto this month is to just ride with the flow of the waves.
Professionally, so much happened at work with org-structure changes one after another, I’m extremely fortunate that my role was one of the ones that had less change and that I still get to work under the same manager. Change is interesting, when the change is something that works in our favor then it’s bittersweet, when it’s the opposite then it’s a hard pill to swallow, I’m someone in the middle and accepts it because I can’t go back to the past. Time itself is change.
With all of the changes at work, the same week I had to MC a long digital event, my router died on me lol and luckily I have an office nearby to leverage for the recording. While unfortunate, in the grand scheme of things I consider myself fortunate and proud that I followed through with being an MC. It’s quite contradictory as I keep saying public speaking scares me (it still rly does) but I continue taking on opportunities when it comes my way lol. Back to the changes at work, wild enough we were still able to pull our annual offsite together in August, and invite all the new team members (some international) to join us in SJ. Now that it is my third offsite with this team, I can honestly say I feel like I showed up as my genuine self. I didn’t feel the need to be extra extroverted, nor did I feel like I couldn't connect with anyone beyond surface level. I was actually surprised at how much I connected with this one colleague and spent hours chatting away some raw thoughts, unfortunately she’s based in NY so I don’t get to work with her in person often. Speaking of connections, I ended up taking lead for the 1:1 Connections activity, and fun fact after Jin shared the Vegetable quiz with me this month, I shared it to my manager who shared it with a colleague and it became a whole domino effect that blew up. I think it brought a lot of creativity and straight up inner child fun that we often forget as adults. It blew up so much that I decided to add my own additional spin on top of it to create our 1:1 Connections activity during the offsite. While there’s been so much change and valid concerns with uncertainty, I think the offsite came at perfect timing for everyone to get familiar with one another and feel a sense of community as we navigate this change together. I must say I spent so much time with people this year - 8:30am - 11pm lol (meals, activities, art, karaoke) that it all hit me the next week as I got so sick which was frustrating as I couldn’t function at my usual.
The weeklong offsite, and then being sick for almost a week sucked, but what made it a low was that it impacted my usual routine, especially with Pilates. It’s less about the activity of working out, but the fact that because I didn’t go to class due to being sick or the offsite, that also means I didn’t start my mornings early and that made me feel more of in a slump. I’m all for pivoting as needed, but this confirms how I’m one of those people where starting off the morning truly impacts how I feel about the day.
Personal life wise, I won’t get too deep into this here but continuous change as well within the family (mostly good things, though potentially paradoxical). A specific incident led to me making tough decisions, even if it wasn’t in unanimous agreement. Which was quite something as the people-pleaser in my younger self wouldn’t have done so if something wasn’t unanimously agreed upon. Is this growth? I just knew I wanted to give things my best, even if the results are not in my favor, I can rest assured to myself knowing I gave it my best.
Because so much was going on in life, as I continued to ride the waves, I also tried my best to make room in my personal life to have a balance of whimsical and intentionality in the people in my life (as well as dedicated solo time, hint I took myself on a first solo movie date to see Didi). Whimsical, I decided to give dating and getting to know others a chance and ended up going on a date. TLDR I did not fall in love lol or develop a crush, but I will be open minded and give people another chance because he seems genuinely interested in getting to know me, and who am I to judge off of first impressions only? Either way it was nice learning about someone new, and continuing to learn about myself in the process. Friendships wise, I had a mix of breadth and depth. I ended up celebrating a good friend’s birthday with a mix of friends ranging in closeness - I am glad I went as I had so much fun with the birthday girl and a much needed girls night out that reminded me of being young. I am also thankful Sadie and Christina W reached out to me this month to catch up, the thought made me feel special and both were great catch ups. With Sadie, our dynamic is quite interesting relationship as it’s quite in the middle, where we aren’t surface level but also not layers in deep. Overall, it was nice hearing how she’s been and what’s to come. With Christina W, I don’t see her often but when we do it’s a whole mix of things, from lighthearted laughs to deeper conversations – I’m not sure at which point was it pivotal as we’ve known each other for so many years, but it’s one of those friendships where we don’t need to chat 24/7 but when we link up, we’re able to chat about anything, where I feel heard, understood, and challenged. Wrapping up this friendship section with a bang, a last min (but very worthwhile) weekend with Tiana and Tammie. Beyond jamming out to og songs by Jai Wolf and Madeon, the time together was filled with long convos, food, coffee, and cute doggos heh. It’s also awesome to see how comfy Tiana and Tammie are, and our dynamic as a trio, it feels so foreign to think that there was once a time when they both didn’t know each other and only knew of each other from me. We’ve come a long way for sure, and I’m super thankful for this friendship that has lasted through time despite how different we’ve all grown.
With all the change and uncertainty this month, I’ll always be thankful for the close relationships in my life that make me feel certain and grounded. People often share how friendships are difficult (and they are), surface level or flakey friendships can feel unfulfilling, and while I’ve also had my share - I’m continuously grateful for the solid people in my life. While I understand change is inevitable as life progresses, I’ve come a long way to say what I am confident and secure about is that with my best or closer circle, I know even if we change and grow differently, we’ll find a way to keep each other along the journey of life.
My Pick of the Month: When a Thought Grows Wings
To be fair, I only discovered this new album on the last day of August, so not sure if it qualifies to encompass my pick for the whole month lol. But I enjoyed it so much I think it deserves a spot for my pick of the month.
Each song is so thoughtfully crafted (the title itself is such a vibe), blending a variety of melodies and instruments. Something about her music, makes me feel a mix of emotions. The writing of the lyrics itself, reminds me of my love for creativity. The melody itself, blends a mix of emotions - from ethereal dreamy wanderlust to sentimental sadness, it’s truly talent how the melody can convey these emotions in a song to me without using written word or lyrics. Two songs I found in particular beautiful and a favorite would be Fantasy and Bon Voyage. If interested, feel free to read my thoughts and interpretation on the songs below lol I somehow ended up writing a literary analysis essay lmao
Fantasy blends a mix of asian inspired melodies (love), with contradicting emotions of dreamy mixed with melancholy. It feels as though the song is telling the story of how dreams and creativity keeps one energized, the middle part shows hints of sadness of when reality hits between dreams, and the ending is an electric guitar solo which leaves us empowered with an open-ended ending of how you think the story ends between dreams and reality. My favorite lyrics:
“Fantasy is keeping me alive
Laying me down, my thoughts have wings like butterflies
Fictional healing, realized”Bon Voyage, despite it’s unassuming name - feels nothing like a Bon Voyage lol. To me, it’s telling the story of someone who aches to truly understand someone they care about. In a way, it feels as though the person wants to achieve the highest form of understanding (perhaps empathy?) and be in the shoes of the person they care about to feel how they feel. The melody starts off stoic and calm, then haunting, and a clash of melodies from electric guitar to violin - mirroring a clash of emotions. My favorite lyrics:
"Feel the way you feel
Be thе hand that feeds you
Think the thoughts you've sealеd
Secrets you won't reveal
I want to see into your heart (Can a thought grow wings?)"Ya I think most people just listen to new music (and I usually do too) but somehow I had a spur of catching on the lyrics, interpreting it, and somehow wrote a whole interpretation essay lol. Just random Stephanie things. Jokes aside, I actually had a lot of fun writing this LOL it brought out my creative yet analytical side that I forgot I nerd out about. Anyway if you read this unexpected essay, props to you - please go check out her music though, truly so talented with the blend of melodies and emotions.
August was another eventful month filled with many memories. Time itself is change, I hope you all had a good month of August and an upcoming month of September. We’ll make the most out of the change from Summer to Fall this month. Can’t wait for what’s to come, especially a much needed reunion :)
Chat soon in October
Best,
— Stephanie
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