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Most months feel like it flew by in a blink but for some reason, July feels like it's been the longest month. It might be because I had just come back from Korea in the beginning July but as I'm writing this blog, Korea already feels like it's been ages ago. With that being said, July was an interesting month filled with so many memories that made me realize how much I'm growing older.
Lifestyle: Traveling
Relationship
This month, my boyfriend and I got to celebrate our 6 month anniversary! I can't believe how quickly that came. I know that for some, 6 months may not seem like a big moment but I realized I love celebrating any big milestones there are because time is so precious. My boyfriend planned the cutest date for our 6 months by getting me coffee, surprising me with a picnic (he even bought the picnic table that I sent a TikTok video about), and buying all the supplies to do the bracelet/necklace-making that I've wanted to do for months. Sometimes I still can't believe my avoidant self landed into this relationship as I used to think I would probably be single for a long time (happily). However, I've learned so much already and how special it can be to be so vulnerable and not so hyper-independent at all times. As much as I thank my boyfriend, I also want to thank myself for allowing me to take a chance and be open to a true connection.
Friendship
This month, our "Brunch & Beach" friend group was once again reunited with Calvin in town in LA. Not only did we get to meet up to share some yummy Korean food in Ktown (shoutout Borit Gogae), but also it was the perfect timing because we got to celebrate Kelsey's birthday. We headed to karaoke in Ktown and ended the night at Breakroom. With Kelsey waking up to ask us what happened the night before, I surely hope and know that she had a good birthday.
I also got to meet up with my college friend and old roommate, Adriana. We do a catch-up once in a while, usually with Grace, but none of our schedules are aligned. We all wanted to do one last hang-out before she moved to Maryland to pursue higher education. I'm glad we were at least able to schedule some one on one time with her. Something that stuck out to me during our hang-out was the idea of giving energy to friendships that reciprocate back. She told me about her personal experience as she moved away where she felt disappointed with the lack of energy to hang out one last time before she moved. As I grow older, I reflect on my struggles with finding genuine friendships that gave me the same energy back. Therefore, I always feel so grateful to have the friends and people in my life that I do today.
Becoming a Bridesmaid
My friend, Crystal, had asked a few girls to do tea time to celebrate her birthday. I thought nothing of it except a fun little birthday celebration but Crystal decided to do a uno reverse and use it as a plan to ask her to be her bridesmaid! This is my first time being a part of a wedding and I'm so excited for what's to come. Not only am I so happy for her to get married, but I am also honored that she has chosen me to be a part of her special day. I reflect on our elementary school days and how far we've come so far. I even have to thank her for how I met my boyfriend! With excitement, I can't help but reflect on wondering how this might be because of how I'm getting older. I always hear from other older friends around me that once you get invited to one wedding, the weddings do not ever stop. I think I've entered a new era and unlocked adulthood. I think I especially was so reflective because I was the only person who was not engaged in the bridesmaid proposal circle! It did get me to ponder more about the future and when I would potentially want to get married.
Dodgers Game
Getting back to work after 3 weeks off from work was truly quite rough. However, it helped a little that we got to have our quarter bonding by going to the Dodgers game! This event was truly the only thing my co-workers and I were looking forward to all week. As hot and sweaty as the day was, it was cooled down by all the fun stadium food and the sweet ice cream! I loved interacting with my co-workers outside of the office and I hope we get to do more bonding time soon.
Lows: Breakdown
Maybe it was jet lag and exhaustion from traveling. Maybe it was because I was recovering my from stomach flu. Maybe it was the stress of jumping into work straight away when I got back. Maybe it was just the sunday scary that exploded. Maybe it was plans canceling and not going as planned. Maybe it was seeing my boyfriend really sick for the first time. Maybe it was a mix of everything. I dont know exactly what the reason why, but I had my mental breakdown this month and it happened infront of my boyfriend. For some reason, I felt a lot of anxiety for a whole day straight and nothing was getting me out of it. However, there was just a whole lot of sadness that I couldn't figure out. I ended up bursting into tears and I couldn't stop. I honestly haven't cried that much in so long and I honestly don't know what triggered it to get there. However, I knew that I couldn't stop it from coming out and I couldn't stop it from stopping. My boyfriend was nice enough to comfort me through most of it. I look back now and feel relieved that I got it out of the system. I also feel relief knowing that I trust my boyfriend that much to show that much emotion and vulnerability.
I also say that it came at a perfect time because I had just finally got myself to sign up for therapy again and it was for the very next day I had my crying session. It was quite funny because my therapist had asked me "When was the last time you cried?" and I had to say "Oh... well... yesterday lol." I also think I did a lot of reflecting in that session because I recognized that I tend to suppress my emotions and bury them instead of trying to figure out how I feel, what triggered the emotion, and what I can do about it. I'm going to try to learn and attack each feeling as it comes without burying. Although the session might have come at a perfect time, I don't think I necessarily clicked with this therapist. I decided to try out a new therapist because I've only ever had one therapist and I was pondering to see what other types of therapies were out there. I've heard finding the right therapist can be like dating so I'm looking to date around and see who might be the best fit for me.
Lessons: Learnings
As the month closes, I reflect on all the lessons I've learned throughout the month. As I reached half a year with my boyfriend, I learned how safe and comfortable it can be to be vulnerable. With friendships, I learned to be appreciative of all of my friends who reciprocate the same energy back to me and who truly love me. With being the only non-engaged bridesmaid at the table, I learned that love can exist in different timelines and different paces. With coming back to work, I learned how much I cherish my friendships with my coworkers and how thankful I am to have gone on vacation so stress-free. With having my mental breakdown, I learned that I need to stop surpressing my emotion before it bursts but it's also okay if it comes up. As I grow older and have more diverse experiences and interactions, I learn that these are all just a process of learning more about myself.
Songs on Repeat:
Top Songs -
Say - KeshiTouch - KATSEYEGuitar Song - Rex Orange CountyMy Pick of the Month: Didi
Didi was honestly the best movie I have watched in a bit. I think it just hit home with the nostalgia of my childhood. I was so emotional thinking about how my childhood was already being portrayed as a memory in the theaters. It made me reflect on my childhood days of being cringe and wanting to fit in. There were so many ways I connected emotionally as well. I could reflect on my childhood and relate to Didi as he tries to fit in with his peers and American culture. I connected with the mother because as I grow older, I realize how human my parents are and how they must've had their own dreams and goals. Finally, I connect with being in an immigrant family and finding the struggles of wanting parents to be proud but also wanting to fit in. I also often wonder how much my parents have given up for me and if I could one day ever be able to make those kinds of sacrifices they did for me.
I feel like this month was so full of surprises, whether it unexpectedly becoming a bridesmaid or unexpectedly having a mental breakdown. However, each month I realize I gain so many memories and experiences that I'll cherish forever as I grow older. This month and many months to come will always be filled with its ups and downs but I honestly am excited for what's to come!
Talk to you next month,
-- Jin
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